| Oxytocin
><> Paul & Lori <><
Touch is so vital to humans, and most of us don't get nearly enough of
it. Babies deprived of touch don't develop normally because certain
connections in the brain actually disappear. Orphans who receive
very, very little touch often die as a result, and those who survive can
experience permanent physical and mental retardation. Kids
who don't get enough touch grow up to become aggressive and antisocial
adults. Older adults who don't get enough touch also suffer, becoming
senile sooner, and dying earlier. We're all affected by touch, and
it's not "all in the mind"; rather it's the result of complex hormonal
responses which actually change our bodies and brains.
Touch causes our bodies to produce a hormone called
oxytocin. Not only does touch stimulate production of oxytocin,
but oxytocin promotes a desire to touch and be touched: it's a feedback
loop that can have wonderful results. Oxytocin makes us feel good
about the person who causes the oxytocin to be released, and it causes
a bonding between the two persons. Nursing a baby produces oxytocin
in both mother and child, and this is a major part of what initially bonds
the mother and her baby. Even thinking of someone we love can stimulate
this hormone; when women in good marriages were asked to think about their
husbands, the level of oxytocin in their blood rose quickly.
There's more. Oxytocin plays a significant role in
our sexuality too. Higher levels of oxytocin result in greater sexual
receptivity, and because oxytocin increases testosterone production (which
is responsible for sex drive in both men and women) sex drive can also
increase. Moreover, this hormone does not just create a sexual desire
in women, coupled with estrogen it creates a desire to be penetrated (that
is, it makes her want intercourse). Oxytocin increases the
sensitivity of the penis and the nipples, improves erections, and makes
both orgasm and ejaculation stronger; it may even increase sperm counts.
And while oxytocin can move us towards sex, sex increases production
of oxytocin: nipple stimulation, genital stimulation, and intercourse
all raise the level of oxytocin in men and women. Orgasm causes
levels to spike even higher, three to five times normal, creating the
"afterglow" closeness that is experienced following lovemaking. The
fact that sex increases oxytocin levels can be helpful for women who complain
they "never feel like sex." Having sex, even when you don't have
a drive to do so, will actually affect you in ways that will result in
a greater sex drive. This also explains, at least in part, why many
women find that the more sex they have, the more they want, and the less
sex they have, the less they want.
Of course no hormone acts independently. Hormones
amplify or reduce each other's effects, and increase or decrease production
of other hormones. Among other things, oxytocin increases the production
of both estrogen and testosterone. Oxytocin has a special relationship
with estrogen. Oxytocin is virtually powerless with out estrogen, and
oxytocin's affects are increasingly powerful as estrogen levels rise.
This explains why women are far more affected by touch than men.
Women have much higher levels of estrogen than men. This also explains
why women respond to the same touch differently at different times of
the month. When her estrogen is high (ovulation) even a slight touch
can have a strong affect; when estrogen is low (menstruation) it will
take more touch to get less of a response.
Another interesting effect of oxytocin is that it
decreases mental processes and impairs memory. This is why hugging
and touching can help us recover from an argument. The oxytocin helps
us to stop thinking about it, and even forget some of the pain we felt.
While hugging may not be a natural response during conflict, it
can quickly cool things off.
While most of us suffer from living in an anti-touch
society, women tend feel more touch-starved than men, probably due to
the fact that they have more estrogen. A woman who is not receiving
enough touch becomes withdrawn and even depressed. In this condition
a woman can become strongly, and even violently opposed to sexual touch.
If the situation continues, she may become so withdrawn that she
is no longer open to the very touch she needs.
So how do we touch more? Mostly we need to be
aware of the need. We need to retrain ourselves and look for opportunities
to touch. Even a gentle brief touch has an effect, and the more
the better. Learn to walk hand-in-hand or arm-in-arm. When
you go to church, or watch TV, or sit talking to friends, sit close
enough to touch each other. When you're both reading find a way
to be in contact with each other ... even sitting at opposite ends of
the couch with your feet touching will work. When you are eating
together play footsies. Rub each other's shoulders or feet, or give
a long massage (http://www.themarriagebed.com/massage.shtml). Do
anything which brings your body into contact with your spouse, and do
it often. And don't forget your kids, they need touch too!!
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