Some husbands are having a lot more fun in bed than the average man. Are these fellows really different, or can other men enjoy the same things? We are convinced most men could enjoy sex a lot more. Based on our conversations with couples, we think that the primary requirements for extraordinary male sex are a very active sex life, a lack of inhibitions, and most importantly a wife who is eager to both experience and give all that sex can offer. So wives, encourage your husband to try new things, and help him explore the possibilities.

Part of the problem is that there is a great deal of misunderstanding, and misinformation, about what men's bodies can and can't do sexually. Many men have never even tried things they could actually do because they just don't "waste time" trying things they are convinced they can't do. With this in mind, let's start with some biology, then we will look at how that biology can be used to make sex better.

A man may be able to get a second erection in a very short time.

First we need to understand that orgasm and ejaculation don't always go together. Ejaculation without orgasm is technically possible, but it's not an issue in what we are discussing here. Orgasm without ejaculation, however, is something which some men learn to do; more on that later. When a man has an ejaculation (not just an orgasm), it starts what is known as the resolution phase. The resolution phase lasts from minutes to days depending on the individual. As a man ages his refractory period gets longer, but two men the same age can have very different refractory periods. Resolution is often wrongly defined as the period of time during which a man can not get another erection; more accurately it is the period of time during which he can not ejaculate again. A man may be able to get a second erection in a very short time, but not be able to ejaculate again for a while.

It is also known that the intensity of the male orgasm is directly related to how much fluid he ejaculates; the more he ejaculates, the better it feels. Two thing which increase the quantity of ejaculation are prolonged abstinence, and prolonged stimulation prior to climax. The intensity of an orgasm is also affect by the strength of the contractions, and this is in part a function of how strong the PC muscles are.

It's also necessary to understand that ejaculation starts shortly before semen is squirted from the body. Once the various internal organs being to empty their fluids into the urethra, the ejaculation process has started, and nothing will stop it; even if stimulation ends, semen will be ejaculated a second or two later. This is refered to as "ejaculatory inevitability," or "the point of no return."

Men have very pleasurable orgasm-like sensations just before ejaculation.

In addition to the pleasure that accompanies orgasm, there are intensely pleasurable orgasm-like sensations just before a man ejaculates. Many men describe these "pre-ejaculation" sensations as being about half as good as orgasm itself. These sensations can be reached without going past the point of no return, opening a way to have more pleasure.

Now let's put all that information to work making sex better for him:

Build up those muscles: When a man or woman has an orgasm, the pubococcygeus (PC) muscles contract. Strengthening these muscles results in stronger, more pleasurable orgasms. See the article on Kegel exercises for more information. Since proper excersie of the male PCs involves an erection, ask him to "workout" while you watch!

Increase quantity of ejaculation: Because more semen ejaculated means a better orgasm, going a week without sex will result in a powerful ejaculation accompanied by a very pleasurable orgasm. Few men see this quality for quantity trade off as a good deal, but there is another way of increasing the quantity of semen ejaculated. The seminal vesicles and prostate produce fluid all the time, but during times of strong arousal they kick into over drive. This means that prolonged high-level arousal before climax will result in a much more pleasurable orgasm. Stimulation of the penis during foreplay will have the desired affect, although he may need a bit of practice to learn how to control that arousal once intercourse starts. Another way to increase his ejaculation is to tease him during the day, getting him aroused by what you say or show, or how you touch him. Each time you do this, you will cause his body to produce extra fluid for his next ejaculation.

Doing this repeatedly will be a mind blowing experience he will never forget.

Peaking: While orgasm is certainly the most pleasurable sensation of sex, it's not a sudden enjoyment preceded by no pleasure. Stimulation of the penis produces pleasurable sensations from "start to finish." The feelings get better and better as the man approaches climax, and shortly before orgasm the sensations are very, very pleasurable. With some practice a wife can learn to take him to that pleasurable "peak," and then back off just enough to avoid causing orgasm. Doing this repeatedly will be a mind blowing experience he will never forget. You can also learn to take him to the peak and keep him there for a much longer time than would normally occur. Making this happen just takes practice and attention to what you're doing. Watch his body, especially his genitals, and learn to read the signals about how close he is to climax (see the article on arousal). Initially peaking will need to be done during manual simulation, but once you know his body's responses well you can probably do it during intercourse too.

Taking it slow: A variation of the above can also be very nice. The woman takes the man close to orgasm, then continues stimulation at a very low level. She continues to reduce stimulation as he gets closer and closer to orgasm, drawing out the pleasure. Eventually she reaches a point where the only way to prevent orgasm is to stop all together. She can then stop and restart, or she can carry him thru what will be a powerful climax.

Orgasm without ejaculating: No one knows why ejaculation causes the resolution phase, but it is known for sure it is ejaculation, not orgasm, which causes it. Boys who discover masturbation before puberty can't ejaculate, but they can have orgasms. They can also have multiple orgasms like women can, but then lose this ability when puberty adds ejaculation to their orgasms. Some adult men learn how to separate orgasm and ejaculation. Because these men can have orgasms without ejaculation, they can keep going, and can easily have more orgasms. Normally a man who can do this will have several non-ejaculatory orgasms, then finish with a "full orgasm" including ejaculation. The non-ejaculatory orgasms are said to be different and not as strong as an ejaculatory orgasm, but very real orgasms all the same. Most men who develop this ability do so by extensive masturbation training, but we believe a wife could provide the manual stimulation for such training. While some men do learn to have non-ejaculatory orgasms during intercourse, it's essentially impossible to develop the ability during intercourse. Learning how to do this takes a lot of practice, and the details are beyond the scope of this article. The books we are aware of which teach how to do this are full of eastern mysticism, so we can't recommend that approach. We hope to have more on this soon. We do know that very strong PC muscles are important to having non-ejaculatory orgasms, so a couple interested could start with strengthening those muscles, and then work at slow, prolonged manual stimulation in an attempt to learn how to separate orgasm and ejaculation. The wife is an important part of this, as she has a perspective he does not, and can learn to adjust what she does to help him.

Many men can have two full orgasms in a short period of time.

A series of ejaculatory orgasms: As noted above, a man may be able to get a second erection very shortly after ejaculating. Some men can even maintain enough of an erection after ejaculation to continue intercourse, and if their refractory period is short enough they may have two ejaculations during a single prolonged act of intercourse. While there are some limits on this, many men can have two full orgasms in a short period of time. This is especially true if the man's wife is willing to take a bit of extra effort. Oral sex seems to be the surest and fastest way to give a man a second erection, but it may not be enough to bring him to orgasm. Stimulation will need to be stronger and last longer, especially if he has three or more climaxes in a short time, so be sure to provide adequate lubrication to avoid excessive soreness the next day. Repeat orgasm by intercourse is possible, but he may need the stronger stimulation of the missionary or rear entry position. To give you an idea of what a man may be capable of, we have spoken to couples (who's honesty we trust) who report 2 orgasms in 10 minutes, 3 orgasms in 30 minutes, 5 in three hours, and up to 9 in 24 hours (And all of this in men age 35 to 45!).

Prolonged orgasm: A man can not stop an ejaculation simply by clenching his PC and other muscles, but he can delay it for as long as he can hold the muscles tightly. This extends the length of the orgasm. Some men learn to release the muscles and quickly re-tighten them, allowing them to ejaculate in a few short bursts instead of all together. Once again, strong PC muscles are the starting point, and the wife can significantly improve his pleasure by learning to vary how she stimulates him as he reaches orgasm.

Each man is different, both physically and mentally, so consider these things as starting points. Experiment and play, and see where it takes you. The more you learn, the better you will be able to improve sex for both of you! For more ideas on making sex better for your husband, see our article How To Get Him to Want Sex. The article is written specifically for women trying to get their husband to have more sex with them, but there are some ideas that will be enjoyed by any man.

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