This article is written primarily by Paul; it's a male look at how men view sex, and it's rather blunt. So buckle up and hang on!

It is becoming increasingly common to hear of women who want sex more often than their husband. In part this is the result of a greater willingness to speak up about the problem, but given the growing number of couples where one feels sexually starved by the other, it is a problem which is actually affecting more and more women.

The reasons for this lack of male sex drive are many, and a check list of sorts can be found at our Lack of Desire article. The purpose of this article is to give frustrated wives some practical ideas that may help them increase their husband's desire to have sex with them. Because men have a wide variety of likes and dislikes, and a wide variety of sexual baggage, you will have to pick and choose from the things suggested here. But don't assume you know what he will like, and don't assume his first reaction to something reveals his true feelings. If you want to precipitate a change you are going to have to be bold and take some risks.

The male brain is wired a certain way when it comes to sex, and regardless of how strong or weak a man's drive is his basic sexual wiring is the same. In a nut shell men like to see sex organs (breasts and genitals), like to see those organs doing something, and men like variety. The idea here is for a woman to learn how to use these things to arouse her husband.

Before we start, you need to ditch any worries you have about not looking good, or being able to visually arouse your husband. First realize that most women are far more attractive than they think. Second realize that most men are not really concerned with the things women think they are concerned with. The looks of the average centerfold or porn star are icing on a cardboard cake. If you are going to look at a two dimensional image of something you can't have, you care about every little detail; but when you are having real sex with a real woman those things are not important. And third realize that men are practical, the wife you have is better than the woman you don't have. To be blunt ladies, it's not what you've got, it's how you display and use what you've got. A woman who is way over weight, flat as a board, or otherwise not up to some worldly standard of sexy, can still drive her husband crazy with lust (it's okay for him to lust for you) if she knows how to do it. Your biggest block to making this work is worrying about looking or acting silly. You have nothing to lose, so abandon shame and embarrassment and get out there and turn your man on!

Don't wait till you want sex to start turning him on. For men arousal is a building experience. Get a man turned on then walk away, and his conscious awareness of his arousal will fade, but his body and his mind have been primed. Then the next time he is aroused the response will be faster and stronger. Nudity, hints of nudity, and making him think about your sexuality are all good ways to prime the pump before you get him to bed. Here are some ideas to get you started - I've listed a good many, hopefully it will help you understand the mind set behind these things:
Lift your skirt for a couple of seconds to show him sexy panties, or no panties.
Tell him you are not wearing panties. Whispering this to him in public is especially good.
Go to the bathroom, remove your panties, and hand them to him when you come out. Again, this works especially well in public.
Buy (or make) panties that tie on the sides - you can untie and remove them discreetly in a theater or at a restaurant table.
While in the car, remove your bra from under your clothes.
In the car, lift your skirt or dress up high on your leg. When stopped at a light and sure no one can see, put his hand between your legs. A dress of skirt with buttons down the front gives a similar oppertunity by undoing one or two buttons.
Flash a breast at him at a stop light.
Wear a blouse of shirt that hangs open when you bend over, and flash him.
Flash your panties, or lack there of, by sitting across from him. Be sure no one else can see, but if you can pull this off in public it will really affect him.
When you are at home you can be even more direct, especially if you have no kids around. Even if you have kids, you can find a moment her or there.
Walk into the room naked from the waist up, or the waist down.
Buy some really sexy undies (black or red, crouchless, a thong) and make sure he sees you put them on in the morning, or before you go out together.
Server him a multi course dinner. Each time you bring in a dish you are wearing one less item of clothing. By dessert you are naked.
Serve him breakfast in bed wearing nothing but an apron.
Without warning, while he is watching, lift your shirt, massage your breasts (getting your nipples erect is especially good) then lower your shirt and go on like nothing happened.
Do some exercising naked. Stretching out naked is also good. Or tease him by doing it in just panties, or nothing but a tee-shirt.
Take pictures of yourself naked, especially close ups of your more sexual parts (Polaroid, or digital camera). Make sure they remain private between the two of you, but use them to add to his arousal. Put a picture on his dinner plate. Tape one to the bathroom mirror. Set one as the desk top for his computer, or make a series of them his screensaver. (Windows has a photo screensaver.)
Buy some sexy, revealing, totally immodest clothes you would never wear in public, and wear them just for him. Second hand and thrift shops are great for this. The kind of provocative clothing worn when he was in high school is likely to be particularly effective, and dangerously high heals also get a guys attention.
What you say can also affect him. No doubt these sound corny to you, but try some and see what happens. By the way, most men are grabbed by "slang" terms, so if you don't have a problem using them in their sexual way, try it.
"I've been thinking about your penis all day."
"I was thinking about having sex with you, and now I'm all wet."
"My mind keeps drifting .... to your crotch."
You can also arouse him by touching him. His penis is the center of his sexuality, so go there if you can.
Feel him up at a stop light.
Sit across from him at dinner, slip off your shoe, and massage his crotch with your foot.
When he hugs you, or you hug him, feel his buns or penis though his clothes.
Come up behind him and slip your hands up his shirt. Then move downwards.
Masturbate: Did you know 98.4% of men would like to see their wife masturbate? And the other 1.6% want to, but feel to guilty to admit it. Okay, I made that statistic up, but the fact is watching a woman masturbate is extremely arousing to virtually all men. Even pretending to do it will get a guy turned on. So abandon self consciousness and go for it. You can "play with yourself" a bit to turn him on during the day, or you can go at it more seriously to get him to want sex right then. Once you have his attention, ask if you should finish or let him join in. Initially he will probably want to see you masturbate to orgasm, but even that should work for you as it will get him aroused for then and/or later.

Sleep naked: Wear socks if you must, but be sure he gets as much naked skin as possible. Wear something sexy to bed, then remove it in his sight. Do this every night, not just when you want sex - you are building arousal.

Get a video camera: Capture your love making on tape. One sexually frustrated wife who tried this reported that hubby wanted to watch the tape right after it was made, and this resulted in them having sex a second time - something that had not happened in many, many years. You can also make a video tape of yourself masturbating, or better yet ask him to be your camera man for such a video.

Variety: Most of us would get bored if we ate the very same thing day after day - no matter how good it was or how much we initially enjoyed it. Sex is the same way for most men. Adding variety is not really difficult, once you get your mind out of any ruts. If you always have sex in the dark, turn on the lights, if you always have the lights on turn them off. Try having sex at a different time - Saturday morning is good, or lurer him into the bedroom before dinner, and as you undress tell him you have been thinking of him all day and you have to have it right now. Try other positions. Have sex in other rooms - on the kitchen counter (you seated, him standing) on the dinner table, couches and chairs, the floor, what ever. If you have a garage, have sex in the car. Try "making out" someplace that is private enough for some clothed or under clothes grouping, but not private enough for intercourse (the back patio maybe?). When you can't stand it any more, head for the bedroom - or agree you are going to "finish" as best you can where you are. Shave off some or all of your pubic hair - or ask him to do it for you. If you can get him to do the every other day shaving it will mean he spends time looking at and touching your vulva, and that will arouse him. Buy a sex toy - an egg vibrator is a good starting place. Or get some flavored lubricants. (Book22 has such items without any nudity.) If you have not tried oral sex, do so. Start by doing it to him, after a few times see if he will return the favor. Learn to drive him crazy with your hands - with some practice you can make him beg you to finish him. Use a good lubricant, and try various ways of touching and stroking.

Just Do It! Don't ask if he wants or will have sex, just start doing it. Get your hand between his legs and see if you can cause an erection. Keep going once he is erect until you think he is getting fairly horny, then climb on top of him and enjoy yourself. Starting the process with your mouth may work even better. Try catching him as he gets out of the shower - kneel in front of him and use your hands and mouth to get him so aroused he asks you to make love.
If you think he often feels "pressured" about sex try using you hands or mouth to give him a "no strings" orgasm - meaning you don't ask him to do anything for you afterwards (you could ask him if he minds you masturbating next to him afterwards if you like). This is a bit of a long term thing, as you are working to change a mind set.

Convince him his drive and desires are okay with you and God: It is not uncommon for a Christian man to worry that his drive is too strong (he wants sex too often) or too kinky (anything other than missionary in the dark). This creates a powerful dilemma for a man - each time he has sex he is trying to restrain his natural (and God given) drive and desires. He can not enjoy when you are worried and holding back, and he may come to dread sex for fear of doing something wrong.

There are two possible factors here: his fear that what he wants is wrong before God, and his fear that you will be hurt, offended, or angry by what he wants. Usually the problem is a combination of the two factors, but for most men I think the concern about their wife is much larger. If this dilemma is limiting your husband sexually, your job is to convince him that his drive and desires are holy and good, and not offensive to you. It is possible he wants something that is outside of what God allows, but in reality God's boundaries for sex in marriage are very broad, and the odds are he does not want something sinful. Getting past this problem is likely to take some time, especially if he has been fighting it a long time. He will need to hear over and over that it's okay, that you are not offended by his sexuality, and that you do not think what he wants is wrong.
Start by praising his sexuality. Tell him how much you enjoy his body, and specifically his sex organs. Tell him how good it feels when he is inside you, and how he fulfills you and makes you feel like a woman when he makes love with you. During both foreplay and intercourse be sure to be vocal and active yourself - showing him you really like it may help him let go. Tell him you want to fulfill his sexual wants and desires completely. When he is having sex with you encourage him to let go - say things like "harder", "faster" or "let go". As he is about to climax "command" his orgasm in explicit slang terms. Slang terms, if you do not have a problem with them, may really help him because they break the "good girl" image. Many of the ideas above can also be used to convince him that you are not the uptight sexually limited woman he has imagined.
Ask him to let you watch him masturbate. This is likely to be very difficult for him, but if he can do it and see that you don't hate him for it, it may help him a great deal. Be sure to tell him you enjoyed it, and that it turned you on. If he starts but can not bring himself to finish, take over for him.
Talk to him about what you want, about wanting more sex, about more variety, and be specific and graphic. Try to find out what he might like by suggesting you want to try things. If you have never tried oral sex, tell him you really want to use your mouth on his penis. If you get any hint he likes the idea, ask specifically if you can do it the next time he is aroused; or just do it without asking. Try writting a sexual story about the two of you, and introduce some things you want or think he would like. If you write from the first person perspective you can give your thougts about his sexuality, how sex feels to you, and how much you enjoy him sexually.

Other things he may secretly long for:
Performing oral sex on you. Get some ice cream syrup, apply it to your breasts, and ask him to lick it off. Then apply some a bit lower, working towards your genitals, asking him to lick it off each time.
Rear entry (doggie style). Get in position and ask, or tell, him to do it. Help guide him in.
Sex with you on top.
Bondage. Nothing kinky, just one of you tied down. When he is tied, he can relax and enjoy whatever you do because he is "not in control". You can fake bondage by tying him with yarn he could easily break, or by putting his hands on the headboard and telling him he is not allowed to let go.
Sex toys. Men particularly like to penetrant their wife.
Watch you masturbate.
Apologize: If you regularly rejected his sexual advances in the past, this may be a major factor in his lack of interest now. Maybe it's retaliation, but it's more likely he's put his sexual energies into something else (work or hobby) and is not interested in changing. He may be afraid you will lose interest again, and then he would get hurt all over. Or maybe he just got so burned out by sexual rejection that his sex drive just died.
If there is a significant ongoing disagreement between the two of you this can also harm his desire/ability to be sexual with you. Hurt feelings may continue even after something is resolved or buried, so past problems could be an issue too. If he feels you take him for grated, don't respect him, or expect unreasonable things from him, these can all hurt his sex life with you.

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