We discuss why we feel sex toys are not wrong for Christians in our What's Okay, What's Not article. In this article we will look at several kinds of lubricants and various sex toys to see how they differ, what they do, and what you can do with them.

Lubricants:

Lubricants come in four basic categories, water-based, petroleum-based, silicone-based and "natural oil" based. Each has it's own strengths and weaknesses. Which will work best for you will depend on what you want to do, and will be effected by your personal taste. Before we start, a few notes on health concerns. The medical community commonly warns that non-water soluble lubricants should not be used in the vagina. But there has never been a good study done on this, and the warnings are theoretical rather than fact based. It has similarly been reported that the glycerine in water soluble products can contribute to yeast infections. Again this is based on theory and anecdotal evidence rather than a controlled study. So, if a product seems to cause a problem, try a different product.

Water-Based Lubricants:
The original sexual lubricant was KY jelly, a thick, sticky, water-based product first intended for doctors to use in certain procedures. In recent years KY has produced a variety of products better suited for sex, including a thinner product, and a new lubricant that has a mild warming affect on skin. Other companies have also produced water-based lubricants, and in some places these are the only kind of lubricants available at drug stores.

Water-based lubes are safe for use with all condoms and all types of sex toys. Problems with water based products are that they dry out fairly quickly when used for external stimulation, and can get sticky during prolonged intercourse. Low cost and easy availability are the strong points of the water-based lubes.
Astroglide® is the brand name of a water-based lubricant which is rather different than the others. Astroglide® is thinner and longer lasting than others, but also costs more. It has many fans, and it may well be the best lubricant you can buy at your local store.

Flavoured lubes are water based lubricants with flavor and an artificial sweetener added. These are used primarily for oral sex. Because of the additional ingredients those with very sensitive skin may be more prone to irritation with flavored lubes.

Petroleum-Based Lubricants:
These products are the thickest products available, and are very long lasting. Petroleum products destroy latex and rubber, so they should not be used with latex condoms, diaphragms, cervical caps, and some sex toys. Because of how long they last, these products excel as lubricants for prolonged manual stimulation of the penis or vulva.

Mineral oil can be used as purchased from the drug store, or a commercial mineral oil lubricating product can be purchased. There is an ongoing debate about mineral oil's affect on the vagina; if you have a problem after using it vaginally limit it to external use. If you want to have sex in the shower or underwater, mineral oil is the best choice of lubricant. Vaseline® is the undisputed champ for long lasting lubrication, but avoid introducing it into the vagina.

Silicone-Based Lubricants:
These are fairly new, especially in the US, and are often difficult to find in drug stores. Silicone products are very thin, last a long time, and a little goes a long way (one couple who did not believe it only takes a small amount reported they had to stop, clean up, and start over). Silicones cost more, but the higher price is offset by how long a small amount will last. Silicone will damage sex toys made of silicone, but is safe for latex and rubber. Eros® and ID Millennium® are two brands of silicone lubricants commonly available on-line.

"Natural Oil" Based Lubricants:
These products are made of edible oils like olive oil, nut oils, or ordinary "salad oil." These oils can damage latex and rubber, but are thought by some to be safer for vaginal use than petroleum-based products. You can buy some oil at the grocery, or look for custom blended sex oils (which are very pricey). If you want to combine massage and sex in one flowing encounter, edible oils are a great choice.

Our suggestion for a "first sex toy" is a vibrating egg with a soft cover.

Toys:

Sex toys is a poor description of what we mean here, but "items that enhance sex" is harder to say, and requires some explanation. Anything that is not a part of your bodies, which you use to make sex better, is an item that enhances sex. The Bible mentions herbs and special sheets used to make sex more enjoyable (Proverbs 7), and these and other items can be used to make sex more enjoyable for today's Christian couple.

The Mild Stuff:
Some of these items are not directly involved in sex. Satin sheets, scented candles, and mirrors can all enhance sex without being actively involved in the sex act. Some of the lubricants describe above, especially the flavored ones, are designed for sexual enchantment.

A Bit Adventuresome:
There are also scented and flavored massage oils which can be applied to the body and then removed with the tongue. Flavored body paint is more provocative, and often better tasting. Also available for application and oral removal are dusting powders in flavors like honey, chocolate and vanilla. You can also get non-edible paints, including a paint on latex that can be used to produce some interesting and arousing "garments."

More On The Wild Side:
Vibrators: This is the most common "sex toy," with a range of options beyond belief. You can go to a Wal*Mart or other store and get a plug in model that does not look too sexual, and yet can do very nice things when applied to the genitals. The knob attachment is good for use on the clitoris, while the cup attachment works well on the glans of the penis. More specifically sexual vibrators are battery operated egg and bullet vibrators. These small vibrators produce strong stimulation, and run a long time on a set of batteries. A soft material over the egg or bullet is a nice addition. In addition to being used on the vulva, these vibrators can be placed between the man and woman during intercourse, producing extra sensation for both of them. There are also rings made to fit around the penis and hold the vibrator in place. Our suggestion for a "first sex toy" is a vibrating egg with a soft cover - it's inexpensive, versatile, and not overly embarrassing.

Rings: There are a wide variety of rings designed to be worn at the base of the erect penis. In some men rings can slightly add to the size and firmness of an erection. Many rings have a knob or other extensions which are intended to stimulate the woman's clitoris and/or labia during intercourse. WARNING: Never use a solid ring - it can cut off blood flow to the penis and be very dangerous. Jelly rings are good because they're stretchable and can be removed when needed. It is also not a good idea to leave a ring in place for more than half an hour.

Dildo: A penis shaped plastic or silicon item intended to be used in the vagina. Some vibrate, although many women get little added stimulation from this. Dildos that look realistic are a concern for some, and those that are modeled after porn starts seem unacceptable to us. More "generic" dildos have a valid place in some couples "toy box," to be used by the husband on the woman, or for the woman to use on herself as her husband watches. A dildo may be especially useful when used in addition to oral or manual stimulation of the vulva. Solid, hard dildos don't bend and give like a real penis, and life size dildos are not to the liking of some woman. Soft flexible materials are better, and start with something small.

Sleeves: Penis sleeves are stretchy tubes worn over the base end of the penis during intercourse. The sleeve has bumps or ridges that stimulate the woman. Some women like them, some do not. Sizing may be difficult for a man who is wider or narrower than the norm.

Blindfold: For some individuals, not being able to see what their partner is doing can add significantly their arousal and enjoyment. Homemade blindfolds tend be imperfect or uncomfortable, so if you or your spouse enjoys this a specially designed blindfold might be a great thing to invest in.

Over the Top?:
We don't think there are many "toys," other than those modeled after real people, that are inherently sinful. But there are things that a lot of Christians would be uncomfortable with if not call wrong. We feel that why the couple wants the item, how they use it, and how important it is to them are all factors in deciding if it's a toy or an obsession/fetish. With that in mind, here are some of the other items available.

Swing: A sex swing is specially designed for holding a man or woman in a semi reclining position with the legs open. The swing hangs from an eye bolt or a special stand, and allows for all kind of positions that would be difficult or impossible without the swing. At more than $100 it's not a cheap toy.

Restraints: Bondage can range from playful fun to painful fetish. Some find they are more free to express themselves when restrained, while others enjoy being "forced" to relax and just receive. There are a wide variety of restraints available, but to get anything more than the most basic you will have to go to places most of us don't even want to know exist.

Anal toys: These are increasingly common, and can be used on the wife or the husband. Fears that "this makes me homosexual" deny the reality that the anus can cause sexual stimulation in all men and women. But there are health concerns about any anal play.

Things that cause pain: A light whip used lightly is one thing, but there are devices designed to cause real, significant pain. The couple's intentions is what determines if they are playing or entering into S&M.

Electrosex: There are devices designed to apply low, pulsating electric currents to the genitals in order to stimulate. These devices are not intended to cause pain (although some pain devices do use electric shock) but rather to cause arousal and orgasm. Although your spouse can run the control box, electrosex is really a masturbation method and does not give a couple any real interaction or sexual contact - even when used together. The speed of arousal and intensity of orgasm possible with this technic could leave a man or woman unwilling, if not unable, to enjoy sex without the gadgets. We have not talked to anyone who has experienced electrosex first hand, but we are concerned that it be harmful to a couples sex life.

Sexual enchantments like those discussed here are not forbidden by the Bible, and we feel they can be a part of a healthy, loving married sex life. But these items can also be a source of argument and hard feelings for some couples. Many Christians still struggle with rules and limits taught to them in the past, and sexual items may cause them to feel unsure or uncomfortable. It's one thing to intellectually agree something is not wrong to use; it's another thing to be able to use and enjoy the item. If your spouse is unsure or resistant - don't push. Let him or her know what you believe, and why, and what you would like to try. Then let the subject drop and give them time to think and pray about it. You can have a very fulfilling and happy sex life without ever using any kind of "sex toy" - don't let what can be an enchantment for some become a source of conflict or destruction in your marriage.

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